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There are plenty of things you can do to spice up your sex life, even if you've been with your partner for a long time. But you don't need to buy fancy sex toys or to contort your body to make things extra streamy. All you need is a break from how you and your partner usually interact. And the best way to do that? Embracing some out-there role play ideas. Role play is basically a vacation from your everyday lives without having to go anywhere.
Sexuality in role-playing games
It can be an opportunity to re-write your own sexual history, enact a long-held fantasyor simply be sexual in a way that is distinctly different from your typical persona. If you can get over an expected bit of initial awkwardness, role playing might just lead to the best sex you've ever had.
And as sex therapist Dulcinea Pitagora points out, engaging in erotic role play in a mindful way can do much more than fuel to the fire in your loins. Plus, the sexual creativity, excitement, and intensity that comes with sharing your role play ideas and then acting on them can flow over into other types of interactions. Before engaging in any sort of role play, you and your partner have to have a serious conversation, Pitagora explains. That's when you negotiate the roles, find common interests, establish boundaries, and set soft and hard limits.
Both parties must consent to every aspect of the scene and the roles you'll be taking on. You should also establish safe words or gestures that will slow or stop the scene and make sure they're crystal clear. This process doesn't only define the roles and interaction of that particular sex scene you're creating; it also helps foster a sense of collaboration that can deepen your connection and intimacy outside of the bedroom. What happens after sex is referred to as "aftercare," Pitagora says—and it's an equally collaborative process. If you're interested in the idea of stepping outside of the box in the bedroom, we're here to help you get started.
Check out these 40 role play ideas that go beyond the norm.
Is one of you the more dominant partner in your relationship, while the other is more submissive? A great intro to role play that doesn't entail much in the way of theatrics is to explore that dynamic. Pitagora says that once you establish your roles, you can either exaggerate those pre-existing dynamics in the relationship, or you can reverse them. If you don't feel like cooking tonight and want to explore a new role play idea, this is your ideal scenario. But when the sexy pizza delivery person arrives, it's nowhere to be found. You ask if you can make it up to them another way, and well… you get the idea.
Or what about a role play scene in which there's the hypnotist and the hypnotized? The latter is no longer in control of his or her actions. Even though the hypnotized party is just pretending to be under the hypnotist's powerplaying out this scenario is perfect for those looking to push their own personal boundaries and to potentially get over inhibitions—even if temporarily.
Indulge your artistic side by having your partner come into the room, disrobing, and posing as a model for you. As you gaze upon your newfound muse, you faithfully draw, paint, or capture their visage in whatever way moves you.
Just make sure it moves you to the bedroom. If you want a sexy fresh start with your partner, simply pretend you've never met them before.
She notes that playing a stranger or anonymous person allows for a creative exploration of sexual identity and preferences. You also have to use your skills of seduction to flirt and explore your partner with fresh eyes. You find yourself browsing a seldom visited section of your local library, and suddenly, you spot someone who seems to be into what you're into. No one is likely to see you two, but the trick will be getting each other off in near silence. Kortekaas details no fewer than nine library-based role play scenarios in his book and suggests academic ensembles to get into the role.
So put your hair up with a pencil and hit the stacks. Of course you do, but you also know this cop is hot.
These are the venomous snakes in your state
Whatever you have to do to help them see past your minor infraction, you'll do it. It must be fun to be a rock star and have total strangers fawning all over you. Get a taste of it by creating a role play scenario in which you're a music legend yourself. You've just come off stage and you're looking to decompress with a starstruck admirer who's caught your eye. Even if you and your partner have both been around the block, assume the roles of someone who is sexually inexperienced and someone who has some special techniques to share.
Kortekaas says that this scenario is an opportunity to "rewrite your sexual history and recapture or create the exciting thrill of first-time sex over and over again. Hate sex can be immensely gratifying, but you don't have to wait until your partner has seriously irritated you—or vice versa—to have it.
Just get some mileage out of a past transgression or pretend that they're someone else that you genuinely loathe and then have fun making up. Meet your partner in an unfamiliar place, like a hotel, and try to disguise yourself. Then, you can have a lot of fun taking off that wig and those sunglasses. This role play scenario "creates a feeling of the forbidden and taboo and simulates a dangerous situation in which getting caught could have dire consequences," says Pitagora. Every time your landlord comes over to fix something, there's some serious flirting going on.
The one lie harry won't cover in his memoir
So, you decide to go over to their apartment and make the move. This sexual encounter is long overdue.
One of you is a sex worker and the other is the client who's hired this person for the night. Put the money on the nightstand and wait for the doorbell to ring. If you're the sex worker, list what's on offer and what's not. If you're the client, set out what you'd like to happen. Once you've done the negotiating, you can have sex that's entirely transactional. While your downward dog is decent, your yoga instructor is eager to give you a thorough adjustment. And there is nothing wrong with laughing during sex because sex can be hilarious and sexy at the same time. Let's say you're an activist, protesting a certain politician's decision or lack of action.
The tension couldn't be higher, but you're also oddly attracted to this person you fundamentally disagree with.
And let's face it, after picketing, you need a release. Trying to get your partner to reveal the truth doesn't have to be a fight—it can actually be sexy.
Create a role play scenario in which one of you is a spy and the other is interrogating them, a la Mr. You're a single parent on the dating scene and you've hired someone to watch your kids for the night. After another online meet-up gone wrong, you come home to find the kids fast asleep and the nanny is looking good.
And with a little wine in you, you're ready to make a move. Get in touch with your basic instincts and imagine copulating like wild beasts.
This could be a great one to enact if you happen to find yourselves alone in the woods. Pretending you're both porn performers doing a scene can give you the opportunity to say all those corny porn lines and then engage in the sort of sex positions that have become porn mainstays. If you have trouble thinking of specifics, load up a clip you're both into and act out what's happening on screen. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, so why not try some long-distance sex? Get into the mindset of being on other sides of the world by heading to different rooms in the house.
Then have a steamy FaceTime or Skype session that's fueled by trumped-up feelings of yearning. Releasing that tension will feel oh so good.
With this role play idea, the constraints of social taboo are pushed by people pretending to have a much wider age gap than they do. The hottest football player or cheerleader has a paper due that they're entirely ill-equipped to write. The straight-A student offers to help them out. Soon, they realize they have some serious chemistry and those nerdy glasses are coming off, along with everything else. You've been flirting with the flight attendant since you boarded.
Now that most of the other passengers are asleep on this long, overnight, transatlantic flight, it's time to see just how friendly the skies can be. And in this scenario, you're not confined to the minuscule square footage that airplane sex usually entails. One of you is conducting important research on sexual response and recording the kinds of stimuli that provoke the strongest reactions.
The other is a study subject who just has to submit to the rigors of science. We know why you're flexing at the gym.