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Pokemon fuck. Having a fair amount of experience in exploring my thirst for video game characters in my illustrious career, I took it upon myself to explain to you, dear VG reader, just why I consider some Pokemon so alluring.

Before we begin, I have to lay yes some ground rules. Yes, in the literal sense, they breathe fire and stuff. But what about the figurative? It may have been banned in pornography under a controversial bill brought in by the Conservative Government of the United Kingdom, but squirting is still wildly popular with a large swathe of demographics.

Go out into some field somewhere, maybe by a pond, and wander around aimlessly until they find a Blastoise in the wild to cater to their fetish. From first-hand experience, I can confirm this to be the case. Fuck you, Tories, Blastoise is my new best squirting friend now.

Talking of things that have been banned in porn: choking. Just look at those abs. Are they abs?

Or is it just colour-contrasted fur? Their fiery belt, a nod to their pro-wrestling inspiration, surely must be hiding an abundance of cheeky secrets, too. Incineroar is nothing if not a bad boy, preferring the role of Heel in whatever promotion they find themselves in. Oftentimes I find myself in need of a gentle, cuddly lover, and Snorlax fits the bill just right.

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A Lovecraftian nightmare. Did you know that Mr. Mime can vibrate his fingertips to solidify molecules of air? Sure, those vibrations might come in handy for some hanky panky, but at what cost? Apparently, a cost worth spending.

Mime that keeps me coming back. They have a certain Eldritch hate-fuck factor about them.

Also, Mr. Slaking is the lazy, randy boy that inspired this all. Everyone loves a big titty goth girlfriend, but what about a big head-disk goth girlfriend?

Gothitelle has mastered the high femme gothic aesthetic, and using their abilities to predict the future using the movement of stars, would be able to meet your every move while making love under a moonlit sky. They can also discover your lifespan, though, which raises questions over just how committed to the relationship Gothitelle can really be.

Probably best to leave it to the occasional sordid fling. Delphox radiates dominatrix energy. Their ears are large and, while fur protrudes out of each ear, no doubt serve as a means of hearing even the faintest whisper of a safeword from their submissive. Their fiery magic wand has plenty of potential for sexual branding, and their two pointed teeth are bound to leave some pretty marks.

Bears are cute. In some contexts, bears are very sexy.

Pangoro also has a cape and holds a bamboo shoot in their mouth akin to how one might enjoy a cigar. Capes and cigars are sexy. What a name! And what a perfect Pokemon to cater to the filthy, filthy kink community.

Their tongue is twice as long as their body, at over two meters. Also, what that pouch do? This is my top list, but there are plenty of people out there with different tastes, including you, dear reader! Pokemon Go. Blastoise It may have been banned in pornography under a controversial bill brought in by the Conservative Government of the United Kingdom, but squirting is still wildly popular with a large swathe of demographics.

Machoke Talking of things that have been banned in porn: choking. Incineroar Just look at those abs. Mime Mr. Slaking Slaking is the lazy, randy boy that inspired this all. Gothitelle Everyone loves a big titty goth girlfriend, but what about a big head-disk goth girlfriend? Delphox Delphox radiates dominatrix energy. Pangoro Bears are cute.

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